Every day there are at least ten emails in my inbox asking for this one certain minimate decal. You know who I am talking about. He is there, right in the front of your mind. His calm eyes are looking down into your very soul. You cannot resist his charm, and who could? Each year I hope DST will release an official minimate of this noble hero, and each year that goes by without his release tears my heart into pieces. I finally had to take matters into my own hands. For the 0.0001% of the population that does not know of the charitable champion I am speaking about, it is none other than this beautiful face:
Shanester. Yes, SHANESTER. That little picture just doesn’t do it justice. Let’s go ahead and make it a little bigger, even at the risk of some JPEG compression artifacts:
That’s more like it! I would put it on a billboard if I could. It would just be that picture, with some text to the right of it that says:
I might even make it so his eyes follow you as you drive by the billboard… those calm eyes… and there might even be a big mechanical hand coming out of the billboard that points at you, and Shanester’s mouth would open and yell “MINIMATES!!!” and a stream of fire would shoot out and singe the rubber on your windshield wipers, letting you know that he means business. But Shanester is a benevolent ruler, and the giant hand would suddenly rise up into a wave of greeting. The mechanical mouth would open once again, and as you shielded your face in terror, a plume of Shanester decals would jettison out instead of the burning fire stream. And those calm eyes would be suddenly illuminate into a bright shade of periwinkle blue. And all of your fears would wash away, and you would be in a state of complete relaxation.
This is that decal, in glorious 300 dpi:
Click to enlarge the image of the aristocratic adventurer to its proper full size
And since one Shanester decal isn’t NEARLY enough, I went ahead and made a full decal sheet for you. Click the image below to download a beautifully populated PDF:
That illustrious page has 68 Shanester decals on it. Do you have any idea how many awesome things you could do with 68 Shanester decals?? I have a few humble suggestions for you, from Shanester’s esteemed history:
Do you remember when that one spammer came to MMV with some crazy post about toothpaste, and Shane turned into Shane Hulk, belted out “SHANE HULK SMASH!” and threw the poor bastard into the sun? You could hear the sizzle all the way from the internet! Man, we laughed for days about that one!
It takes a real man to look good in Superman pajamas, and Shane is that man. It also takes a real man to wear said pajamas while shopping for groceries, strolling through the park, attending town hall meetings, and marrying a young couple on a bright summer day. Shane is that man as well. I don’t think Shane is an ordained minister, but I have to believe that God and the State of Louisiana would look down and say “Hey, it’s Shanester! And he’s dressed like Superman! That’s good enough for me!”
Then there was the time that Shanester had one too many drinks and decided to take over the world. He used his unparalleled intelligence to build this Iron Monger suit from scratch in his garage using aluminum siding, empty beer cans, and parts from a 1972 Dodge Dart. He only got to the end of the street when the battery in his Arc Reactor (a light-up Cyclops figure taped to his chest) unfortunately went dead. But for that short period of time, I think we all secretly hoped that Shanester could finally take his place as King of Earth.
And finally, we come to Shanester the everyman, beyond the myth and past the hype. He is stern, yet kind. Familiar, yet exceptional. Godlike, yet human. I salute you, sir.
EDIT: Make sure to look at which day this was posted on. 😉